Sheila HeenEvery podcast appearance, updated as new ones drop

"The first negotiation is actually a negotiation I have with myself about my own story." Before you can have hard conversations with others, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. That's the counterintuitive advice from Sheila Heen , a Harvard Law School lecturer and co-author of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most , who says our own internal narratives often derail our attempts at negotiation and conflict resolution. In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart , Heen joins Matt Abrahams to explore effective communication in high-stakes situations. From giving and receiving feedback with her “ACE” framework (Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation) to recognizing the "degrees of difficulty" in disagreements, she offers practical strategies for having productive conversations even when emotions run high. Key Takeaways: Difficult conversations start with understanding yourself. Before trying to change someone else's mind, examine your own assumptions, emotions, and goals to create space for a more productive dialogue. Curiosity turns conflict into collaboration. Replacing blame with genuine questions and focusing on understanding rather than convincing helps build trust, reduce defensiveness, and move conversations forward. Activity: Decode feedback. The next time someone asks for feedback, don't answer immediately. Implement the ACE framework. First ask: "Are you looking for appreciation, coaching, or evaluation?" Then tailor your response to match what they actually need Episode Reference Links: Sheila Heen Sheila’s Book: Difficult Conversations Ep. 204 Tough Talks: Turn Tension Into Trust Connect: Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium Email Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.io Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.io Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn ,<a href="https://www.instagram.com/thinkfastta

Stan interviews longtime friend and Harvard professor Sheila Heen about why difficult conversations derail and how to handle them more effectively. They discuss the “hero/villain/victim” stories people tell when frustrated, how smart people can listen poorly by focusing on what’s wrong, and why many conflicts are “switch-track” disagreements where each person thinks the conversation is about something different. The conversation also covers political polarization, complex identities, and Heen’s course on negotiating money, wealth, happiness, and meaning. 00:00 Intro 03:06 What Makes Talks Hard 04:30 Avoidance And Timing 06:53 Family Conversation Traps 08:54 Hero Villain Victim 10:06 Respond To Feelings 12:40 Switch Track Conversations 14:25 Empathy Versus Assertion 18:04 Loss 19:43 Intent Versus Impact 20:33 Comment Dilemma 23:15 Intent/Impact Lesson 27:34 Beyond Blame To Contribution 29:50 Identity Fuels Polarization 33:00 Antidotes To Political Divide 34:50 Marriage Conflicts That Persist 38:41 Negotiating Money And Self Worth 42:36 Money Talks For Couples 49:01 Lifestyle Creep And Meaning 51:57 Lightning Round Conversation Tools 54:58 Resources And Farewell Check out Sheila at: https://www.stoneandheen.com/training-consulting Buy Her Book: https://www.stoneandheen.com/ Host Stan Christensen has spent his career working as a professional negotiator in a variety of arenas. He has also taught a popular course on negotiation at Stanford University for over twenty years.

The most dangerous conversations aren't the ones we have. They're the ones we keep avoiding. In this encore episode of The Game Changing Attorney Podcast , Michael Mogill sits down with Sheila Heen , Harvard Law professor, co-founder of Triad Consulting, and bestselling co-author of Difficult Conversations and Thanks for the Feedback . With over 30 years at the Harvard Negotiation Project, Sheila has spent her career studying why conversations go sideways and what it actually takes to have them well. In this conversation, Michael and Sheila unpack the hidden structure of every difficult conversation, explore why feedback triggers our deepest identity fears, and reveal how the most effective leaders learn to hear what others can't bring themselves to say. Here's what you'll learn: The three hidden layers in every difficult conversation How to use the "third story" approach to enter hard conversations without putting people on the defensive What separates leaders who invite honest feedback from those who build blind spots over time If you want to lead at the highest level, you have to be willing to have the conversations everyone else is avoiding. ---- Show Notes: 07:45 — Why negotiation isn't a field, and why that's actually the whole point. 11:37 — How the Difficult Conversations book has evolved over the past 25 years. 18:09 — Why every difficult conversation is actually three separate conversations happening at the same time. 20:07 — The movie theater test: one question that reveals exactly how you handle conflict. 23:38 — The reason starting from your own story almost always backfires, and what to do instead. 29:51 — The one type of feedback leaders give constantly that makes everything worse. 34:44 — Why two people can receive the exact same feedback and have completely different reactions 39:13 — The mistake Sheila made with her three-year-old son that she now uses to teach every leader she works with. ---- Links & Resources: Sheila Heen Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen Thanks for the Feedback by Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen Harvard Negotiation Project Getting It Done by Roger Fisher and Alan Sharp Carol Dweck ---- Do you love this podcast and want to see more game changing content? Subscribe to our YouTube channel . ---- Past guests on The Game Changing Attorney Podcast include David Goggins, John Morgan, Alex Hormozi, Randi McGinn, Kim Scott, Chris Voss, Kevin O’Leary, Laura Wasser, John Maxwell, Mark Lanier, Robert Greene, and many more. ---- If you enjoyed this episode, you may also like: 395. AMMA — Why Consensus Slows Growth and How to Fix It 373. AMMA — Your Firm’s Biggest Threat: Too Many Good Ideas 156. Chris Voss — FBI Negotiation Tactics for Business and Life <

How to have the conversations that are most difficult — and most important. Before you can have hard conversations with others, you need to have an honest conversation with yourself. That's the counterintuitive advice from Sheila Heen , who says our own internal narratives often derail our attempts at negotiation and conflict resolution. "The first negotiation is actually a negotiation I have with myself about my own story," explains Heen, a Harvard Law School lecturer and co-author of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most . When entering challenging interactions, she recommends a powerful shift where we consider that our perspective is only one side of the story. "If I can shift my purpose from convincing you of something to just understanding how you see it and why we might see it differently, that actually is more likely to generate a good conversation with less defensiveness for both of us." In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart , Heen joins Matt Abrahams to explore effective communication in high-stakes situations. From giving and receiving feedback with her “ACE” framework (Appreciation, Coaching, and Evaluation) to recognizing the "degrees of difficulty" in disagreements, she offers practical strategies for having productive conversations even when emotions run high. Episode Reference Links: Sheila Heen Sheila’s Books: Difficult Conversations / Thanks for the Feedback Ep.144 Communicating Through Conflict: How to Get Along with Anyone Ep.136 The Art of Disagreeing Without Conflict: Navigating the Nuance Connect: Premium Signup >>>> Think Fast Talk Smart Premium Email Questions & Feedback >>> hello@fastersmarter.io Episode Transcripts >>> Think Fast Talk Smart Website Newsletter Signup + English Language Learning >>> FasterSmarter.io Think Fast Talk Smart >>> LinkedIn ,<a href="https://www.instagram.com/thinkfasttal

Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company In this enlightening episode of "Negotiate Anything," host Kwame Christian welcomes Harvard Law School professor Sheila Heen. They delve into her latest edition of the bestseller "Difficult Conversations" and discuss the evolution of negotiation over the past few decades. Sheila shares remarkable insights on shifting from blame to contribution in difficult discussions and offers a deep dive into understanding power dynamics. They make complex concepts accessible and provide practical strategies for more effective communication. Covered in this Episode: The transformation of negotiation techniques since the 1990s to today Strategies for shifting from blame to contribution in difficult conversations Understanding and leveraging power dynamics in negotiations Connect with Sheila Heen: Follow Sheila on LinkedIn Buy the Book: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most triadconsultinggroup.com Help Yourself Contact ANI Request A Customized Workshop For Your Company Follow Kwame Christian on LinkedIn The Ultimate Negotiation Guide Click here to buy your copy of How To Have Difficult Conversations About Race! Click here to buy your copy of Finding Confidence in Conflict: How to Negotiate Anything and Live Your Best Life!

Author of "Difficult Conversations" and "Thanks for the Feedback", Founder of Triad Consulting Group Professor of Practice at Harvard Law School, Sheila Heen joins Max and Colleen on the Mindful Negotiating show.

Are you ready to elevate your life and career through the power of negotiation? Join Negotiate Anything Premium on June 4th! More than just bonus content and ad-free listening, Negotiate Anything Premium is a comprehensive resource for mastering negotiation through exclusive advice and community support designed to enhance your personal and professional growth. You deserve to negotiate more of the best things in life. Join the Prelaunch Waitlist at www.negotiateanything.com ! Sign up now to stay informed and ensure priority access when subscriptions open. Visit www.negotiateanything.com and be prepared to elevate every conversation! Connect with Sheila Heen: Follow Sheila on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sheila-heen-b8a59a6/ Buy the Book: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most triadconsultinggroup.com Help Yourself

Mastering difficult conversations involves going beyond your own perspective to understand what each person in the conversation sees, feels, and leaves unspoken. Sheila Heen and I discuss how. Download the application guide: https://bit.ly/483mkzv Here's what we cover in this episode: - The three layers of a difficult conversation - What workplace problems often originate from - Why owning your contribution to the problem up front is the best way to avoid the blame game - How to prepare to have a difficult conversation - Why having difficult conversations isn’t a bad thing Special thanks to our sponsor BELAY for offering an exclusive resource called Power of Productivity . In this resource, you will learn how to refocus and implement efficient strategies so you can get back to what you do best. Get your free resource today. We want to get to know you better! Please take a few minutes to tell us about yourself by taking our audience survey . ____________ Where to find Andy: Instagram: @andy_stanley Facebook: Andy Stanley Official Twitter: @andystanley YouTube: @AndyStanleyOfficial See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Sheila Heen: Difficult Conversations Sheila Heen is the Thaddeus R. Beal Professor of Practice at Harvard Law School, a Deputy Director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, and a founder of Triad Consulting Group. She often works with executive teams to engage conflict productively, repair working relationships, and implement change in complex organizations. She has published articles in The New York Times and the Harvard Business Review and appeared on Oprah, CNBC’s Power Lunch, and NPR. She is coauthor along with Douglas Stone of The New York Times bestseller Thanks for the Feedback and also now, in its third edition, co-author with Douglas Stone and Bruce Patton of the iconic bestseller, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most*. When our intentions are good, it’s hard to appreciate how we could have had such a negative impact on someone else. It’s equally challenging to navigate a tough conversation when someone else’s words or actions have wronged us, even if that’s not what they intended. In this conversation, Sheila and I discuss how to shift just a bit to help our difficult conversations go better. Key Points Intent does not equal impact. It’s a mistake to assume that we know the other party's intentions. It’s a mistake to assume that good intentions erase bad impact. Prevent the first mistake by attempting to separate intent from impact. Use these three questions: Actions: What did the other person actually say or do? Impact: What was the impact of this on me? Assumption: Based on this impact, what assumption am I making about what the other person intended? To prevent the second mistake, listen first for feelings before sharing intent. It’s helpful also to reflect on your own intent, which may not always be as pure as initially recognized. Resources Mentioned Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most* by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen Interview Notes Download my interview notes in PDF format (free membership required). Related Episodes How to Get Way Better at Accepting Feedback, with Sheila Heen (episode 143) How to Begin Difficult Conversations About Race, with Kwame Christian (episode 594) How to Deal With Passive-Aggressive People, Amy Gallo (episode 595) Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic. To accelerate your learning, uncover more inside Coaching for Leaders Plus.

The following is a conversation between Sheila Heen, Harvard Law professor, and co-author of Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well, and Denver Frederick, the Host of The Business of Giving. In today's episode of The Business of Giving, we tackle the challenges of difficult conversations and receiving feedback. Whether it's our personal or professional lives, these situations can be uncomfortable and often lead to miscommunication and hurt feelings. But fear not, my next guest is a world-renowned negotiation expert who will help us navigate these challenges with greater confidence and ease. She is Sheila Heen , founder of the Triad Consulting Group, a professor of practice at Harvard Law School where she leads a negotiation program, and co-author of the New York Times bestsellers, Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most, and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well.

"Thanks for your purchase! Can we get your feedback!?" We are asked for our feedback left and right. We're also giving it unknowingly more often than we think. When it comes to receiving it, why can it sometimes be so difficult? Of course, we all WANT feedback to do better, grow, and be the best humans we can be... but at the same time, wouldn't it be nice if someone could just pat us on the back and tell us, "All good!"? Maybe if they just delivered it the bad news to us sandwiched between all the positive stuff (the Oreo cookie technique)? Today's guest, Sheila Heen will share the unique difficulty around receiving feedback; why this conversation can be so difficult whether you're a giver of it or a receiver. We dive into: What are the different types of feedback are: Appreciation, Coaching, Evaluation, and what each form might look like Why giving feedback can be difficult and getting it can be even harder! The three triggers around feedback that can make us shut down How to get better at receiving feedback by leaning into curiosity What to do if you're naturally more sensitive to feedback What to do if you just don't want it in a certain area or from a certain person Why we need to RE-THINK the Oreo cookie feedback-giving technique And MORE! Links Mentioned: Sheila's Book: Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (Even When It’s Off-Base, Unfair, Poorly Delivered, and Frankly, You’re Not in the Mood) (with Douglas Stone, Viking/Penguin 2014) Sheila's Website She Built This Website About Sheila Sheila is a Founder of Triad Consulting, a Professor of Practice at Harvard Law School, and serves as a Deputy Director of the Harvard Negotiation Project, where she has been developing negotiation theory and practice since 1995. Sheila’s corporate clients have included Pixar, Hugo Boss, the NBA, the Federal Reserve Bank, Ford, Novartis, Converse, American Express, and numerous family businesses. She often works with executive teams, helping them to work through conflict, repair working relationships and make sound decisions together. In the public sector she has also provided training for the New England Organ Bank, the Singapore Supreme Court, the Obama and Biden White Houses and theologians struggling with disagreement over the nature of truth and God. Sheila specializes in particularly difficult negotiations – where emotions run high and relationships are strained. She is also a co-author of two New York Times bestsellers: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most (with Douglas Stone and Bruce Patton, 2nd ed Penguin 2010) and Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (Even When It’s Off-Base, Unfair, Poorly Delivered, and Frankly, You’re Not in the Mood) (with Douglas Stone, Viking/Penguin 2014). She has written for the Harvard Business Review and for the New York Times as a guest expert and as a Modern Love columnist. Sheila and her co-authors are working on a 3rd edition of Difficult Conversations with updates and revisions, which will be released in 2022. Sheila is a frequent media guest and has appeared on shows as diverse as Oprah, NPR, Fox News, and CNBC’s Power Lunch. She can be heard on podcast episodes of Shane Parrish’s Knowledge Project, Adam Grant’s WorkLife , Hidden Brain , and The Tim Ferriss Show. She has spoken at the

Receiving feedback is an important leadership skill that we can all develop, and it’s not just up to managers to give it – it’s something we all can and should do more of (and ask for!) and improve our skills in doing so. In this rebroadcast episode of the TalentGrow show with Halelly Azulay, Sheila Heen, CEO of Triad Consulting and best-selling author of Thanks for the Feedback and Difficult Conversations , shares some of her best insights on the art and science of receiving feedback. She explains what the three different kinds of feedback are (including why we need all three, but different amounts of each at different times), what the three kinds of triggered reactions we can have from feedback are, and the best way to receive vague or negative criticism. She also gives a fantastic (and highly actionable!) tip on how to ask for feedback: she warns of a common pitfall and offers a smarter way of asking that not only makes the other person more comfortable but helps to ensure that the ensuing feedback will be relevant and useful. This is an excellent episode for improving your communications skills as well as your inner-processing and emotional clarity. Listen and please share with others! Shownotes: http://www.talentgrow.com/podcast/episode197 Apple Podcasts: http://apple.co/1NiWyZo Stitcher: http://www.stitcher.com/s?fid=62847&refid=stpr Google Play Music: Google Play Music: https://play.google.com/music/listen#/ps/Ijwlgz7lklnxqnfzjna7gcr65be iHeartRadio Podcasts: http://www.iheart.com/show/263-The-TalentGrow-Show-Gr/ Soundcloud: https://soundcloud.com/talentgrowshow Spotify: http://spoti.fi/2CpgIk1 TuneIn: http://tun.in/pjuHL Amazon Music: http://bit.ly/TalentGrowShow Download the free guide: 10 Mistakes Leaders Make and How to Avoid Them http://www.talentgrow.com/10mistakes Don't forget to LEAVE A RATING/REVIEW ON APPLE PODCASTS! http://apple.co/1NiWyZo

Sheila Heen is the Founder of Triad Consulting Group and a Lecturer at Harvard Law School. Besides teaching at Harvard, Sheila has worked with the biggest companies in the world, helping their executive teams work through conflict, repair working relationships, and make sound decisions together. She has also spent the last twenty years with the Harvard Negotiation Project, developing negotiation theory and practice. Sheila specializes in particularly difficult negotiations – where emotions run high and relationships become strained. She's written two very successful books: Difficult Conversations and the one we're talking about today, Thanks for the Feedback. I really wanted to talk to Sheila because there have been so many books written on how to give feedback to others, but if we're going to learn from our mistakes and get even better at what we're already doing, we must learn how to not only ask for but listen to feedback. Sheila's book is a rare and incredible resource in this regard, and I just had to share it with you. Specifically, Sheila and I discuss: - How to make feedback work in your organization - The problem with coaching and why it doesn't work quite like we hope - The three different kinds of feedback you can give someone - Why the feedback sandwich doesn't work, and how to give critical feedback much better. - How to process the feedback you receive in a way you can actually use. Thanks for listening and be sure to find me online to tell me what you thought of the episode! @DianaKander on Instagram and Twitter Professional AF Facebook Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/943925015810362/ Diana online: www.DianaKander.com Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sheila Heen is an expert on managing difficult negotiations, a lecturer on law at Harvard Law School, and a founder of Triad Consulting. Sheila often partners with executive teams, helping them work through conflict, repair working relationships, and make sound decisions together and her clients include Apple, HSBC, Unilever, and Pixar among others. She is the co-author of the New York Times business bestseller Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most and more recently Thanks For The Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well (Even When It's Off-Base, Unfair, Poorly Delivered and Frankly, You're Not in the Mood). In this week's podcast, we explore why receiving feedback can be so challenging at work, and how we can unhook from our feedback triggers to make the most of the gift we are being given. Connect with Sheila Heen: https://stoneandheen.com/ You'll Learn: [02:45] - Sheila explains why learning to receive feedback is a skill that we should all be building. [05:29] - Sheila outlines the research findings on how being able to receive feedback impacts people's performance and wellbeing at work. [07:37] - Sheila shares the three different triggers that can make hearing feedback difficult to hear. [11:26] - Sheila explains the three different types of feedback people are given at work and why it helps to be clear about the purpose of the feedback we're giving and receiving. [16:07] - Sheila offers tips for us to be present and really hear and make the most of the feedback we're given. [20:04] - Sheila explores how growth mindsets can help us lean into giving and receiving feedback better. [24:09] - Sheila explains why the ability of leaders to receive feedback well helps to improve psychological safety in teams. [26:33] - Sheila enters for the lightning round. Your Resources: MPPW Podcast on Facebook Group Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for joining me again this week. If you enjoyed this episode, please share it using the social media buttons you see at the bottom of this post. Please leave an honest review of the Making Positive Psychology Work Podcast on iTunes . Ratings and reviews are extremely helpful and greatly appreciated. They do matter in the rankings of the show, and I read each and every one of them. And don't forget to subscribe to the show on iTunes to get automatic updates. It's free! You can also listen to all the episodes of Making Positive Psychology Work streamed directly to your smartphone or iPad through stitcher. No need for downloading or syncing. Until next time, take care! Thank you, Sheila!

Today I speak with best-selling author and founder of Triad Consulting , Sheila Heen. Sheila and I discuss the framework and tactics of how to improve communication when it matters most. You can buy Difficult Conversations here.

Sheila Heen is on faculty at the Harvard Negotiation Project. She discusses how she and her husband—who have opposing political beliefs—navigate their relationship and communicate respectfully when they disagree. She suggests that when we listen receptively, we actually become more persuasive. The post Loving Across the Political Divide with Sheila Heen appeared first on Safe Space Radio .

What do you do when you and your partner disagree on something truly important? How do you find a way to bridge the divide and come back to a place of collaboration and understanding? And how do you know when to throw in the towel? Today’s guest, Sheila Heen, of the Harvard Negotiation Project, is one of the world’s masters of turning difficult conversations around. In today’s episode, you’ll discover some of the skills required to get through an impasse back to a place of connection. And like many of the relationship skills that we’ve covered here on the Relationship Alive podcast, our goal is to give you some new approaches to familiar situations, to uncover the blind spots that get you into these predicaments in the first place (or prevent you from getting out of them. Once you make the shift, you’ll never experience conflict in the same way again. What qualifies as a difficult conversation? If you are anxious about raising a conversation, or have raised a certain topic a million times and it goes badly or nothing really changes, then it qualifies as a difficult conversation. Difficult conversations are those that are about things that really matter to us, and with people who really matter to us. Difficult conversations have a certain intensity to them, often eliciting strong emotions, and carrying a long history. These are the conversations where the stakes feel high, and you might feel like there are just no possible solutions. Difficult conversations are part of a healthy relationship. Having a relationship comes down to the ratio of positive interactions to negative interactions, meaning that it is less about never having conflict or disconnect, but rather having enough eye to eye and heart to heart to repair, grow, and trust. This is especially true when it comes to communication. Do not take the fact that you may be arguing or disagreeing as an immediate sign of health. Instead look at how you are having the conversations. We all know that there are many ways of communicating that damage relationships, however it is important to realize that there are also many ways to have difficult conversations that in fact help build and strengthen your bond! Don’t get too caught up in the content! Moving difficult conversations towards healthy connection is about looking and listening for what is underneath the content. It is very easy to get hooked into the substance of the conversation- however the substantive issue is temporary and ephemeral, while what is underneath is long term and deep set. Take a step back and look at HOW you are having the conversation, more than focusing on the WHAT of the conversation. Are you trying to understand the deeper layers? Listening for the implicit messages? Beneath what it is you may be talking about or disagreeing on is a second layer consisting of feelings and fears about being cared for, understood, appreciated, loved, etc. This second level is the glue that holds relationships together, and is often an omnipresent influence in the tone of the relationship, whether acknowledged or not. Be willing to let go of control. Many of us come into our interactions with the agenda of changing the other person. What we believe we really want is for them to be different, and we think that if they changed then all would be better. As a result we become hyper-focused on getting the other person to think X or do Y, which inevitably increases tension and discord. We must try to fess up and come to terms with the fact that we don’t have ultimate control over how or if someone else will change. Instead of so actively trying to fight and avoid this reality- embrace it! At first this may feel frustrating, or depressing, but soon enough there will be this sense of liberation. Ah…a weight lifts off your shoulders and you become available to tend to what is happening for YOU. In letting go of the need, desire, and agenda to control the other, we enter into the conversatio

Sheila Heen: Thanks for the Feedback Author with Douglas Stone of Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well* Author with Douglas Stone and Bruce Patton of the New York Times Business Bestseller Difficult Conversations* Feedback sits at the core of two human needs: Our need to get better Our need to be accepted, respected, and loved for how we are now “Who’s giving the feedback is often a louder message than what they’re saying.” -Sheila Heen The six steps: 1. Know your tendencies Baseline (or set point): a level of satisfaction that you gravitate towards in the absence of life events Swing: how far positive or negative feedback knocks you off your baseline Recovery: how long it takes you to come back to your baseline Recovery speed can be different for positive and negative feedback Understanding your profile can help you dismantle your distortions Also, this helps you to be more empathetic to others who have different styles than you do 2. Disentangle the “what” from the “who” If the feedback is wise, it shouldn’t matter who delivers it (but it does). Solicit feedback from the people who you find difficult to work with 3. Sort towards coaching Three kinds of feedback Appreciation: sometimes when people ask for more feedback, they really want more of this Coaching: helping you get better at something Evaluation: where you rank or stand Sheila uses this with her children to speak about their grades and what it says about what they can change Separating these three things is helpful, since evaluation is very loud and people don’t often hear anything else 4. Unpack the feedback Most of what we hear comes in vague labels. It requires you as a receiver to be a more active participant. 5. Ask for just one thing “What’s one thing you see me doing (or failing to do) that holds me back?” 6. Engage in small experiments “I don’t believe that receiving feedback well means that you have to take the feedback.” -Sheila Heen It’s hard to know if feedback is helpful until we try it out. Discover More Activate your free membership for full access to the entire library of interviews since 2011, searchable by topic.