Heather Havrilesky

Heather Havrilesky is the author of the book Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage . She’s also the writer behind the advice columns “Ask Polly,” and “Ask Molly,” which is written by Polly’s mischievous alterego. In this episode, Heather and Chris navigate how to showcase your whole self – even if it means embracing the messy parts – and how leaning into contradictions can make you happier and healthier. They also discuss how most people’s twenties are a disaster, how to write in a way that feels true, and why it’s necessary to laugh at your own ridiculousness. Follow Host: Chris Duffy (Instagram: @ chrisiduffy | chrisduffycomedy.com ) Guest: Heather Havrilesky (Instagram: @heatherhav ) Links ask-polly.com Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage Subscribe to TED Instagram: @ted YouTube: @TED TikTok: @tedtoks LinkedIn: @ted-conferences Website: ted.com Podcasts: ted.com/podcasts For the full text transcript, visit go.ted.com/BHTranscripts Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In this episode, Heather Havrilesky delves into the complexities of modern life paradoxes. She shares her journey of self-discovery and acceptance, emphasizing the struggle of balancing the “good wolf” and the “bad wolf” within oneself. Heather shares her insights into the relentless pursuit of self-improvement and the societal pressure for perfection. In this episode, you will be able to: Discover the secrets to navigating complex modern life paradoxes Learn how to find guidance in the midst of life’s challenges Uncover the path to achieving transformative self-acceptance Understand the keys to emotional well-being in today’s fast-paced world To learn more, click here! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info . Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Heather Havrilesky is the voice behind the popular existential advice column, Ask Polly . This week she joins Vanessa to talk about giving advice, when to quit, and how to better be "your ragged-ass bullshit self." -- This show is completely funded by Patreon, and we are so grateful to our supporters who make it possible. If you can, please considering chipping in ! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

On this week’s episode of The Waves, Slate senior editor Shannon Palus talks with Heather Havrilesky about the divine tedium of marriage. They discuss Heather’s book, Foreverland and the explosive response the book initially got (especially when Heather called her husband “a heap of laundry”). Later in the show, they dig into what to do when your husband is truly being a little bit of a patriarchal jerk. In Slate Plus, a behind the scenes look at what goes into writing the Ask Polly column. Podcast production by Cheyna Roth and Tori Dominguez with editorial oversight by Daisy Rosario and Alicia Montgomery. Send your comments and recommendations on what to cover to thewaves@slate.com. Make an impact this Women’s History Month by helping Macy’s on their mission to fund girls in STEM. Go to macys.com/purpose to learn more. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Heather Havrilesky’s writing career has spanned the life of the internet, starting with the satirical site Suck.com , moving through Salon, The Awl, and New York Magazine, and ending up on Substack, where she publishes two much-loved newsletters: Ask Polly and Ask Molly . Heather has mastered the art of reinvention, bending with the winds of the web, as news sites have variously chased SEO, blogging, Facebook traffic, and the rest. She settled on an approach that has worked for her: doubling down on what she likes. That attitude ultimately took her into advice giving, where she has carved out an immense reputation as one of America’s preeminent practitioners of the form, primarily through Ask Polly , for years a mainstay of New York Magazine’s The Cut. Polly got her start, though, at The Awl, the fan-favorite blog co-founded by Choire Sicha that was home to many of the best and most obsessive online writers of the 2010s, before social media had completely corrupted the landscape for essayists and delightful internet weirdos. While writing Polly for The Cut, Heather saw social media grow in reach and then start to infect the minds of fellow writers who toiled under its constricting influence. “It’s almost like an issue of when the auditorium becomes too big and filled with voices,” she says, “you start to feel self-conscious about making sounds when everyone is in the room.” Those pressures came to bear on Heather with exaggerated force after the New York Times published an excerpt of her latest book, Foreverland , an irreverent marriage memoir that comes out in paperback this Valentine’s Day. The excerpt carried the subheading “Do I hate my husband? Oh for sure, yes, definitely.” It was enough to create a meme, and Heather spent the next few days being knocked around Twitter for being a husband-hating harlot (or worse, depending on the tweets). What was that experience like for someone who has been writing online for 27 years? Well, it turns out, not easy at all—even for an advice columnist who always manages to find the right words for those who are brushed by misfortune. However, in the pain, she has managed to find a balm for herself in a book idea that emerged from her essay writing on Substack. “One thing that kept me feeling good,” Heather says, “was this idea that life could be deeply romantic even when everything felt terrible.” Her new obsession with finding the romantic in the mundane is proving to be more than just a coping mechanism—it’s a way of looking at life. “Discovering new ways of being happy in spite of a lot of things that are aggravating you is—it’s the most romantic thing of all.” https://www.ask-polly.com/ Heather’s recommended reads: https://www.todayintabs.com/ https://therealsarahmiller.substack.com/ https://hunterharris.substack.com/ https://laurenhough.substack.com/ https://www.blackbirdspyplane.com/ https://cintra.substack.com/ <a target="_b

In her book, “Ask Polly” advice columnist Heather Havrilesky shares the details of her relationship with her husband while illuminating what ‘modern marriage’ really looks like. She’s not afraid to talk about the aggravations, conflicts and harsh compromises that often result from marriage, and she’s recently gotten some heat for calling her husband a “smelly heap of laundry,” among other nicknames. But, throughout all the stumbles and tough times, Havrilesky still insists marriage can be glorious. And, if we can learn to overlook the small stuff, we’re not so crazy to dedicate our entire lives to one person. She joined us in March 2022 to discuss Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage . We Recommend NY Times: Marriage Requires Amnesia “A spouse is a blessing and a curse wrapped into one. How could it be otherwise? How is hatred not the natural outcome of sleeping so close to another human for years?” The New Yorker: Heather Havrilesky’s Guide to Enduring Married Life “Unlike the many memoirs that double as thinly veiled advertisements for their authors, “Foreverland” ventures occasionally unflattering honesty, not just about Bill but also about its author.” InStyle: Hating Your Spouse Isn’t the Red Flag You Think It Is “Marriage is designed to break you. You will forget everything you knew before. You will tremble under the weight of your own shortcomings.”

This is the free edition of Rich Text, a newsletter about cultural obsessions from your Internet BFFs Emma and Claire. If you like what you see and hear, consider becoming a paid subscriber . Rich Text is a reader-supported project — no ads or sponsors! Coming soon: A subscribers-only episode about Netflix’s batshit new reality dating show “The Ultimatum.” In the final episodes of the NBC sitcom “The Good Place,” our intrepid ensemble of Bad Place fugitives finally arrive at the real Good Place: an eternity of ease and joy. Almost immediately, they notice that all is not quite right. The denizens of the Good Place, finally delivered unto their eternal reward, are very fucking not okay. They’re happiness-poisoned, so surfeited with fun and relaxation that they’re drowning in their own boredom. They’ve developed anhedonic armor against the relentless pleasure of heaven. The gang of newcomers looks around, shocked and horrified. All this time they’d been hearing about how rapturously wonderful the Good Place was… and this was the reality? Heather Havrilesky’s new book, “Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage,” gives us a similar surprise reveal for a more earthly dream: wedded bliss. That moment of shocking reveal is what made the pages of the New York Times, in an excerpt that catalyzed a massive Twitter storm. “Until Bill has enough coffee,” she writes, “[h]e is exactly the same as a heap of laundry: smelly, inert, almost sentient but not quite.” She also writes of his throat-clearing, his sneezes, his monologues on educational sciences. Marriage, she seems to conclude, “requires turning down the volume on your spouse.” Also, she writes, “he’s still my favorite person.” Yes, this is what marriage to your favorite person might actually look like — not a rosy fantasia of passionate kisses and ardent speeches and your partner somehow doing and saying everything you’d like at exactly the right moment. It might be sort of a mess, and full of frustrations and disappointments. It might also still be really wonderful, and part of the wonder of it might come through the mess and the frustrations and disappointments. A marriage is a shared project, a puzzle; figuring out, together, how to survive the boring sameness and the human failings can be the most intimate and fulfilling part. That’s what Havrilesky wanted to write about: not a perfect marriage, and not a broken one, but the gripping drama that takes place in a strong, happy marriage. The kinds of conflicts that are often breezily referred to as “ups and downs,” or with the vague admonition that “marriage takes work.” We both loved Havrilesky’s book (we’re long-time fans of her advice column, Ask Polly) and were baffled by the backlash to “Foreverland,” so we were thrilled she agreed to join us for a conversation about her book, marriage and long-term partnership, aging and hanging on to your identity as a woman in this society, and why people had such a strong reaction to her book. This week’s episode is free. For more Rich Text episodes, including podcasts on Love Is Blind, The Gilded Age, and Bridgerton, become a paid subscriber! Subscribe now We’ve been reading… Sheila Heti’s “Pure Colour,” a dreamy origin myth and love story. Also, Lydia Kiesling’s crackerjack essay on Horatio Alger, “Fifty Shades of Grey,” and the weird mix of American ambition and erotic predation that undergirds our culture’s most successful and enduring rags-to-riches fantasies. The disturbing truth she reveals about Alger truly shocked me, thoug

You can have a decent marriage, and also think your husband is a "snoring heap of meat". Virginia talks with Heather Havrilesky, author of Foreverland: The Divine Tedium of Marriage. Hosted by Simplecast, an AdsWizz company. See pcm.adswizz.com for information about our collection and use of personal data for advertising.

Has your work ever been greeted by a firestorm of furiously polarized tweets, both in fierce support and rampant opposition to what you have to say? In addition to being scathingly funny, bitingly honest, and sharply observant, author, essayist, and humorist Heather Havrilesky's work has always been provocative. And her latest memoir, Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage does not disappoint. By writing honestly (and hilariously) about motherhood, marriage, and the contemporary female experience, Heather has amassed passionate supporters (Jen among them), in addition to nasty critics. But at the end of the day, shouldn't that be our chief aim as artists? In this episode, Jen and Heather unpack HOW creatives can truly get to the root of honesty in our work, so we too can inspire our audience. How Heather handles negativity and misreading of her work Sometimes the beauty of writing is learning how you feel on the page Writing honestly to accept what you’re made of Readers can see through everything so you’re better off being honest How the editorial process of her latest memoir helped her grow closer to her husband Why Jen was afraid to ask Heather to be on the podcast How self-acceptance feeds your creativity The form and structure of Foreverland, and how it shifted from a collection of essays to a narrative experience How Heather has navigated her career and why she feels like she’s just starting to take her writing more seriously, 25+ years in Taking an experimental approach to writing and learning as she goes Writing about and for women with more and more madness and freedom over time Can you stand behind your work? Comparing yourself to people you admire and professional envy Visit jenniferlouden.com/podcastkit to get instant access to a collection of audios that will: help you with some of the most common struggles we creatives have to manage including fear of choosing, falling into compare and despair, managing the inner critic (s), and feeling too exposed and vulnerable when you put yourself or your work into the world.

David chats with Heather Havrilesky about her new book, 'Foreverland: On the Divine Tedium of Marriage.' Support me on Patreon! Links: Follow Heather Havrilesky on Twitter Buy Foreverland Read a book excerpt in the New York Times Read the book review in The New York Times Kate Harding's article about reading critically Heather's Twitter thread about the reaction to her book Weekly Recommendations All of Us Are Dead (Netflix) Torres and Hopalong This podcast is powered by Simplecast. Check them out at simplecast.com for a great podcast management and analytics solution. Let me know your feedback for the podcast by emailing culturallyrelevantshow(AT)gmail(DOT)com. Follow the show on Twitter. Find every episode of the show at CulturallyRelevantShow.com .